What Exactly Is Holding Us Back?14.

The end. Don't worry, I have a sequel coming up :)

♥Chapter 14♥

‘Make sure you know to bring out your best
We’ll make this last until the night it’s done
We’ll listen to the sounds of our hearts beating fast
We dove at first, just look at what we’ve done
We were right to be so wrong, this time’

As the smell of pancakes and bacon filled my nose, I got out of bed in a flash and went to my closet. I wore my yellow ‘This Century’ tee, a pair of faded black jeans, and my high tops. I made my way to the kitchen where apparently my mom was cooking breakfast.

“Good morning, sweetie!” She greeted.

“Morning mom” I said, not as enthusiastic as hers.

“You ready for the big world?” She asked as she placed a stack of pancakes on my plate.

“I guess.” I began eating my pancakes so she wouldn’t ask me any more questions.

Actually, I don’t think I’m ready for the ‘big world’ as my mom calls it. I don’t want to go and leave the band, my best friends, behind. For the past four years or so, they’ve been a big part of my life and me leaving them without a proper goodbye would be really hurtful on both sides. It’s painful but I have to do it.

I finished the pancakes and I put the plate in the sink, I drank the orange juice up to the last drop. As I was about to leave, my mom hugged me goodbye. Surprised? Me too.

It was too early for my mom to be awake; it was only five-thirty in the morning. I, on the other hand, wanted to wake up at this time so I would be able to give Derek my letter. I decided to watch a movie while I was waiting for Derek, Juno seemed like a good movie to watch.

Thirty minutes into the movie, I heard the doorbell ring. I got up and answered it, knowing it was Derek.

No one can find the rewind button, girl.

So cradle your head in your hands

“Hey, what do you want?” Derek asked as he entered the house. Good thing I didn’t put my luggage downstairs or else he would’ve asked a bunch of questions.

“I want you to give this to Alex when you guys are on the road. Don’t read it before you leave, in fact don’t read it at all.” I smiled my most innocent smile.

“Why?”

“This letter is for Alex’s eyes only. Please don’t read it.”

“Fine.”
”Thanks a bunch, Derek. I owe you one” With that, I hugged him and he left.

I turned off the television and made my way to my room to get my luggage. I dragged my suitcases downstairs and went out the door. My flight was around seven, the same time Emergency Room Romantics leave for their tour. I saw the cab waiting for me, I went inside and off I go to the airport.

When I arrived at the airport, I did everything that a person would do to get inside. I took as seat in one of the chairs near the gate; it was only six-forty three in the morning. I turned on my iPod; the voice of Derek Sanders filled my ears.

This is it, I’m almost there. I thought to myself.

And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
if you only try turning around.

I felt my thigh vibrate, signaling that I have a new message. It was Alex; I guess Derek hasn’t given him the letter.

‘Hey Cassie, we’re all here. Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?’

I chose not to reply. I almost put my phone in my pocket when another message came. It was Alex again.

‘Cassie, where are you? Seriously, answer me.’

I soon received a call from Derek; I ignored it and let it go to voicemail.

“Cassie, where the hell are you? We’re about to leave in ten. Hurry up. I gave Alex the letter, I couldn’t help myself. Sorry.”

And another call, from Aiden.

“Cassie-bear! Where are you? Alex will have a fit if you don’t hurry up!” I’m going to miss that boy.

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

It was minutes until I received a call from Alex.

“Cassandra Danielle Avery, we’re leaving. I guess we’ll see you when we see you. Have a great life.”

His voice was monotone; I guess he read my letter.

“Flight number 293 set for Los Angeles, California is now boarding in gate three.” The lady announced, I gathered my belongings and proceeded to gate three.

I turned off my phone and made my way inside the plane.

It’s a new start for me.

It’s about time I forget him.

No one can find the rewind button now.

© Gabrielle.

What Exactly Is Holding Us Back?13.

At long last, chapter 13. A few more until it's done. Thanks to everyone who supported me. Love you guys! <3>
♥Chapter 13♥
You are always on my mind

‘Four years you think for sure
That's all you've got to endure
All the total dicks
All the stuck up chicks
So superficial, so immature’

Graduation day. I never thought I would come to this point in my life. No more Victoria and her stupid clones, no more annoying teachers with their non-stop rant, no more home work, but most of all, no more drama.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror; I was wearing my yellow sundress and heels, my hair was twirled at the ends and my make-up looked like it was made by a professional. Picture perfect.

“Honey, if you don’t hurry up you’ll be late!” My mom called from downstairs.

Before I went down, I grabbed my cap and toga. When I got there, I saw my mom and dad with their award-winning smiles. It would be perfect if my brother was here, if only he didn’t have a meeting with his client. I ushered my parents out the door. As I was walking I heard a ‘snap’, curiosity got the best of me as I searched for the source of the sound. I heard a cough behind me, making me turn around. I saw Axel with a big grin, holding his camera. I squealed and hugged him.

“Whoa, easy there kiddo.” He smiled.

“What are you doing here?! I thought you had a meeting to go to.” I looked up at him.

“Yeah, but I decided to cancel it. I don’t want to miss something like this” He beamed.

We went inside the car and made our way to school.

“I never thought I’d see the day my little Cassie would be graduating. It seems so fast.” My dad said, breaking the silence.

“Why is that daddy?” I asked.

“Well with me traveling all over the place, I always thought that I won’t be able to see my baby grow up.” He smiled.

“At least you’re here, that’s what’s important” My mom said, she pecked my dad’s cheek.

“Yeah, though I can’t help but be bothered by the fact that I’m not here a lot.” He sighed.

“Enough of the sadness, it’s a happy day. We don’t want to ruin it.” My brother butted in.

When we arrived I saw Alex and Derek under a tree, I went there and saw them smiling. I sat next to them.

“Hey guys” I greeted.

“Hey Cas” They said at the same time.

“I never thought we’d be here so fast.” Derek started.

“Yeah, four years goes by too quick.” Alex agreed.

“And you guys go on the road tomorrow.” I reminded them, making Alex look at me and smile a small smile.

“You’re still coming with us, right?” Derek asked.

“Yeah, of course!” I exclaimed.

“Hey I think it’s starting. We better get back there.” Alex stood up.

We went inside the gym where the graduation was being held. We were seated alphabetically, which means I was seated at the very first chair of the first row. Damn my surname.

“Avery, Cassandra Danielle” Mrs. Wright, our Principal said. I stood up gaining cheers from all my friends and family.

I went up the stage and as I took my diploma, I screamed ‘fuck yeah!’ with my arms raised up. Alex, Derek, and even Hayley laughed at my outburst. As I was waiting for Alex’s and Derek’s name to be called, I couldn’t help but think about tomorrow. No one knew that I’m not really going with ‘Split Second Eternity'. Truth is, I got accepted as an intern for AP Magazine. I’m going to California tomorrow, making me miss the boys’ first ever out of state concert. I guess maybe someday our paths would intersect

I didn’t notice Alex’s calls until he shouted my name. I guess too much thinking can block other senses.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You seem off. Is there something wrong?”

“No! I’m perfectly fine!” I gave him the fakest smile I could muster, I really wanted to be with him on tour but maybe our paths would intersect someday.

“Well, the guys are heading to Denny’s you in?” He made this cute hand gesture, I couldn’t help but smile and agree.

I told my parents my plans, which they happily agreed. I ran, well more like attempted to, with these shoes who can?! Successfully, I reached them and made our way to Denny’s. We decided to not change our outfits to make it look like we’re important people.

We sat in the 6 seat table. It was me, Alex, Derek, Jake, Aiden, and Chris, their manager. We already placed our orders the minute we sat down the chairs. We started talking about every random thing that’s on our minds. First it was all fun until Aiden decided to drop something not really good news

“My mom died.” He blurted out.

“What?” We asked simultaneously.

“Yeah, she died.”

“How? Why? When?” I went next to him to console him.

“She hung herself yesterday, she left me a note saying that she raised me wrong and I wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.” He looked like he would burst into tears any minute, who wouldn’t when someone they loved just died?
”It’s okay. She’s probably in a good place now.” I hugged him.

“Thanks Cassie. I’m really glad you’d be there tomorrow. I mean, who would keep this band in place?” He half-smiled.

“Yeah Cas, you’re like the glue to this band. We’re really glad you’re coming with us on tour.” Jake beamed.

“Come on guys, I’m not really the ‘glue’. Stop joking around.” I laughed nervously.

“We mean it Cassie, we really are grateful. Especially with Hayley not going.” Derek intervened.

“Cassie, the promise” Alex whispered but it was loud enough for me to hear.

“I better go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. I have to pack.” I told them the half-truth.

I was near the door when I heard Alex shout ‘hey you’re order!’ which I chose to ignore

I walked towards my car and drove as fast as I can home. I grabbed my suitcase and began packing.

By the time I finished it was already, eight in the evening. I decided to write a letter for the band. Mostly for Alex.

Dear Alex,

I’m sorry I broke our promise and I’m sorry that I left without saying anything, but I think that it’s better this way. A clean break from everything. Truth is three months ago I got accepted to AP Magazine as an intern. Who knows maybe we’ll see each other some day. As hard as this is, I know what I can never forget someone like you. You’re everything I hate to love. Yes I admit, I love you. It all started at prom night. I could never forget all the sweet things you did. Good luck with the band. I wish you the best of luck with your career. I’m taking this internship as an opportunity for a clean break, I want to forget everything I hate and even everything I love. I just hope that some day you’ll be able to forgive me. It’s just that I really need time to clear up my mind.

‘Why don’t you say we talk this over a cup of coffee? My treat’ – I’ll meet you some day at starbucks, I’m sure of it.

Thank you for everything. I really do appreciate it. I wish I could give you something in return.

I’ll miss you and the randomly sweet and funny things you do.

Love,

Cassandra.

I put the letter in an envelope and texted Derek to come by my house around six-thirty, they go on the road at seven. With that, I took a shower, got dressed in my pajamas and brushed my teeth. As I lay in my bed, I couldn’t help but think if this is what I really wanted. I love to write but being so far away from someone I love can really take its toll on me. I just hope that I make the right decision.

© Gabrielle.

Soldier Madness.

In my mind: Camp Capinpin, where you get a slice of heaven.

Oh yes, we had our field trip at the Camp Capinpin. It was probably the best place I've ever been to. Especially the obstacle course part, that was the shit.

I still have a bruise from that event. On the bright side I tried every obstacle course there, I did not regret anything (especially the log thing where I held the cute soldier's hand. :3)

Not only did I had fun there but I also had fun in our bus. Who knew tour guides were funny? His name was Marlon G and he was the funniest tour guide I've ever seen. I couldn't even listen to my iPod 'cause I was too busy laughing my butt of from what he said! Everyone had their fair share of fun and not so fun moments. I actually have mine but I'm going to keep those moments to myself for reasons I will not tell.

I now realize the importance and the risk those soldiers are going through. They are really brave for doing what they are doing. To serve our country, they are willing to be away from their families and loved ones and risk their life. To all the soldiers out there, I give you props!

The second destination we went to was the Sierra Madre Park or Resort, I don't really know but it was so pretty.


Our group took lots and lots of pictures there we did the stolen shots and the jump shots. What made it more interesting is that the teachers were doing very weird and awkward poses, as if they aren't teachers. At least we know that teachers have a life outside of school.

I never knew being with these people would be so fun and memorable. When I made the decision to move out of my other section to this, I didn't know what I'll be experiencing. The brighter side is that I had fun with all the people I never thought I'd become friends with. This is by far the best field trip I've ever been through.

I'm so happy I get to experience it with these people. Moving on, the destinations we went to were really awesome. And that dog, wasn't part of the trip. He was just there. Then when we took his picture, he actually posed! That was so cute.

Anyways, if you were there you'd probably know what I'm saying and you've experienced it as well.

I really do wish it would happen again someday.

As of now, I can't help but say I'm proud to be Fleming. I'm going to miss 'kuya' Marlon, 'ate' Rain, Unknown-Soldier-Who's-Very-Cute, 'kuya' Casis, Sir Esmama, and the rest of the crew. I'm glad I get to spend time with them!

--End.

Fun At The Police Station.

In my mind: Who knew cops would be funny?

Police Station. Where everyone gets their justice reported, you see prisoners, and watch good television. This is place makes you feel like you did something wrong, like you're about to be arrested for something you didn't commit. Who knew that the same police station where we feel like confessing to every crime we might have committed would be the same place where we would have fun? That's right folks, I Gabrielle Fonseca, had fun at the police station.

There was this cop that we had to get information from, he seemed like an 'okay-I'm-a-very-strict-cop-fear-me' sort of thing but when we talked to him he actually made jokes like a normal person would do. I thought cops were scary, I guess not all cops are scary. Some are even funny.


There was this other cop in the jail area thingy and he was like cracking up jokes and all that jazz.

Cop man: Who's your leader?
Me: (sweating like I'm being roasted) Me!
Cop man: The members who aren't doing anything should wipe your leader's sweat off!
We all cracked up after that.

I want to go back there, the police dude(whose name is Romeo) was funny and it was air conditioned and it had cable! Ellie and Kat wanted to go back there because of that reason and mine's the funny part. Plus! He looked like one of my neighbors (He's 33 Kat, there's no way he'd be my 19 year old neighbor) We have a picture of him! I'm not going to show you. Two reasons why.

He might become famous and it's on Kat's phone.

Now I'm having doubts, should I be a police? NAH! Justice ain't my thing.

I'm off to find me some sour patch kids, I saw them lying around the house (Ha! Take that Ellie!)

--End.

My Unhealthy Love.

In my mind: mmm...cupcakes

Yes, I have a very unhealthy love for musicians. I love the way the play, the meaning behind those lyrics, and most of all the look in their eyes while they play in front of millions of people. The way they look at their fans makes me realize why the do what they do in the first place; they do it because they want to be heard, they want them to feel what they feel, they want to be the voice of the people. I don't know if this is right but this is how interpret it. I could see the twinkle in their eyes, it's so fascinating.

Musicians get to say what they have to say and enjoy what they do. They're having the time of their lives, it's unimaginable but it's true. Parents and elders think that they're just kids doing bad things (drinking, making 'noise', and such) but to us teenagers they are our idols; our role models. If only dreams would come true with a snap of your fingers, I'd be having the time of my life. Sadly, dreams don't come true with a snap of your fingers; some dreams don't even come true. Ever. You have to work hard and focus on that goal you have. Musicians. Musicians. Musicians.

I love the way they play and that they could send you into a world you never knew existed. Somehow, I think musicians are like writers. Poets. They create words and sentences that voice out their emotions and all their unwanted feelings. They are truly talented for making a poem is already hard; making a song is even harder. I have to give props to all the lyricists out there, job well done.

With every dream, there is always a wall to overcome in order to get closer to that dream. Some may have many walls to overcome that they want to give up. I also give props to those who still haven't given up and continue to strive. With them being an example, they make us want to be a better, if not stronger person than we already are. Dreams are things that we want to put into reality.

I have so many dreams, also so many walls to overcome. I'm currently an aspiring writer, I want to be able to voice out my thoughts and emotions to people like me. Troubled. Hopeless. In need of a person that would understand them.

I'm also an aspiring musician, I want to be able to feel the 'rush' musicians feel on stage. Even if my parents would not allow me to do such things, I am willing to take the risk and just do it.

I want to have an impact on the society, especially to teens like me. If only bands I like would have time to read this, it would be an honor. (Here I am, dreaming). I would want them (The Maine, All Time Low, The Cab, A Rocket To The Moon, Paramore, Mayday Parade, Forever The Sickest Kids, School Boy Humor, Sing It Loud, We The Kings, and The Summer Set) to be in Manila and have a concert here, on my birthday. The downside of having false hopes, they're too good to be true.

Still, even just one concert would give me happiness that'd last for an eternity. Seeing those bands play and having the time of my life at the same time, it's my little slice of heaven. Hey, if they can't come here then I would like to work for Buzznet or AP Magazine. Teehee :3

I have to wait 7 or 8 years before that happens, I'm willing to wait that long in order for me to be with them and importantly do what I want to do; write and be with music influenced people.

I hope that that is where my life would lead.

--End.

Troubled.

In my mind: ...apathy.

Gah. I hate this feeling, I'm bummed out. Why? Some unknown reason. Twitter and Facebook updates aren't really all that cheery. Is my façade over? Should I stop thinking that everything's fine, everything will be okay when the truth is, it never will be?

This week, I haven't really smiled like I meant it. I guess that's what happens when you have a lot to think about, half of them aren't even that important but I can't help but think about it. I haven't been the best daughter, class mate, school mate, friend, cousin, grand daughter, niece in the world. I guess fake smiles can't hide everything that hurts that long.

Am I just emoting or this is how I really feel? That I don't know. I feel like I'm just a little girl over reacting on a bunch of stuff. I really hope I'm not. I can't help but be bothered on everything surrounding me. I don't want to pretend anymore, though it's the only way no one would see my tears, my sadness, everything I've tried shutting out for years.

wrong. I'd smile Sometimes I can't help but burst into tears. I may or may not know why but I just do. During those times, a good cry is all I need. After that, I'd smile like I never cried, I'd smile like nothing's like got no weight on my shoulders. When in fact, everything's wrong.

I want to make a name for myself. I want to be known not only just Gabrielle. I want people to recognize me as me and not just the random crazy kid down the street. I'm sick of people belittling me because of my size and my personality. I hate being treated like I'm stupid, it's just a charade people. I hate how people think I can't handle tough situations and very confusing problems we have to deal with in our everyday lives. I'm a big girl, I of all people would know what's best for me and what isn't.

I'm sick of everything being so repetitive. Wake up, shower, go to school, study, go home, dinner, sleep. I hate it. I was never a fan of repetition, I want things to be spontaneous. You'll never know what happens next.

I'm just sick of all these little games. I wish something eventful would happen.

I wish everything would be alright. I got no chance here, I want to travel and be known.

--End.