Troubled.

In my mind: ...apathy.

Gah. I hate this feeling, I'm bummed out. Why? Some unknown reason. Twitter and Facebook updates aren't really all that cheery. Is my façade over? Should I stop thinking that everything's fine, everything will be okay when the truth is, it never will be?

This week, I haven't really smiled like I meant it. I guess that's what happens when you have a lot to think about, half of them aren't even that important but I can't help but think about it. I haven't been the best daughter, class mate, school mate, friend, cousin, grand daughter, niece in the world. I guess fake smiles can't hide everything that hurts that long.

Am I just emoting or this is how I really feel? That I don't know. I feel like I'm just a little girl over reacting on a bunch of stuff. I really hope I'm not. I can't help but be bothered on everything surrounding me. I don't want to pretend anymore, though it's the only way no one would see my tears, my sadness, everything I've tried shutting out for years.

wrong. I'd smile Sometimes I can't help but burst into tears. I may or may not know why but I just do. During those times, a good cry is all I need. After that, I'd smile like I never cried, I'd smile like nothing's like got no weight on my shoulders. When in fact, everything's wrong.

I want to make a name for myself. I want to be known not only just Gabrielle. I want people to recognize me as me and not just the random crazy kid down the street. I'm sick of people belittling me because of my size and my personality. I hate being treated like I'm stupid, it's just a charade people. I hate how people think I can't handle tough situations and very confusing problems we have to deal with in our everyday lives. I'm a big girl, I of all people would know what's best for me and what isn't.

I'm sick of everything being so repetitive. Wake up, shower, go to school, study, go home, dinner, sleep. I hate it. I was never a fan of repetition, I want things to be spontaneous. You'll never know what happens next.

I'm just sick of all these little games. I wish something eventful would happen.

I wish everything would be alright. I got no chance here, I want to travel and be known.

--End.